What are the common myths about weddings? Here are 4

Introduction

I suspect many of you have been to weddings of friends and family, but how many of you have considered your feelings about what a wedding really is?

Apart from the wedding vows, which have a minimum legal requirement in the wording, there are no hard and fast rules as to what a wedding should consist of. The only exception (in the United Kingdom) used to be that you couldn’t get married outside the hours of 8am to 6pm, but we believe that even this has changed in the Autumn of 2012. However, so much of what we think of in a wedding is based on tradition and culture. As a result of this, society has many misconceptions mainly based on myths. Lets give you a brief summary of at least 4 that you may have been led to believe.

Myth1 – Your Wedding can and must be perfect

For many their wedding day is the happiest day of their life and that is a perfectly valid hope. However, it is that striving for perfection that will increase the stress unnecessarily. Invariably there will be people at your wedding – your guests, or those providing the wedding services, and even members of your family who will not act perfectly on your day. This may not be deliberate on their part as they haven’t read your mind. For example; impatience, outspokenness, not being at the right place at the right time, miscommunication, etc. There will be lots of emotion flying around and the odd family disagreement. For me it was my mother flapping at breakfast that made me cry.

Do not have unrealistic expectations of how the day will run. Sometimes it’s the things that do go wrong that make the day memorable. My husband and I discovered that our vicar had a stutter and I found it incredibly difficult to put my husbands ring on. (It was a hot sticky July day) At my sister-in-law’s wedding, the vintage car, they hired, wouldn’t start.

It is incredibly common to stumble on your words when saying your vows but don’t beat yourself up about it. The person conducting the wedding will make sure that all the essential elements are said correctly.

Myth 2 – Your wedding day is solely for you and your fiancé(e)

Of course, it is your wedding day, but it is also an important day for the parents. It is not necessarily that the father of the bride gives her away, but the symbol of this tradition shows the purpose of the day is a formal handing of the responsibilities of care. There is also acceptance from the groom’s parents for their new daughter-in-law. You are also hosting a celebration for your guests. It is a lovely way to say thank you to some of them for their friendship and their involvement in your life. For your parents, it’s an opportunity to show your love and gratitude for what they have done for you over the years. You could show how much you value them by involving them in some of the planning and arranging - particularly if they are contributing to some of the costs of the wedding.

Myth 3 – You have to spend a fortune!

There is a whole industry of businesses that sell services and products for weddings. The choices can be quite daunting. We have attended a few wedding fayres over the years when advertising our ‘getting married’ events and have been amazed at what is on offer. There is the obvious things like; bridal wear, cars, flowers and cakes to the not so obvious like; teeth whitening, fancy balloons and a master of ceremonies, all of whom will involve you parting with a considerable amount of your money. Some are very honest bridal businesses who will offer a fair price but be aware they are all in the business of selling.

Don’t make the mistake of thinking that your wedding has to have all the elements that a friend’s wedding had. Put your own mark on your wedding day. Just because your friend arrived in a horse driven carriage or had a chocolate fountain doesn’t mean that you are less than them if you don’t do the same. There is also a real danger that a groom feels he has to out perform his peers in lavishness to prove his love for his bride. A wedding is an opportunity to indulge but if you really think you can’t afford it don’t just slap it on the credit card and worry about it later because when you look back, that particular element may not have been that special after all.

Based on various surveys the average cost of a wedding in the UK (2024) is estimated to be around £21,000 rising to £26,000 to include the ring and honeymoon - but it doesn’t have to be that way!

Here are some cost-cutting tips for some of the main and expected items.

The Cake

I read an article about a couple who couldn’t believe the price of wedding cakes, so they ordered a cheesecake which they decorated with colourful fruit. It went down very well with their guests. It can be the dessert for the wedding meal.

If you have mother’s, friends, or grannies who love baking, give them the task with specific instructions!

The Wedding Dress

I was fortunate enough to have a mum who made her own dress, so wasn’t daunted when I asked her to make mine. A friend wore her mother’s dress by having it adapted accordingly. Some consider buying 2nd hand online or hiring.

The Bridesmaids Dresses

These can be acquired like the wedding dress or like a friend’s daughter, who bought all her bridesmaids dresses from a retail outlet so they were suitable as summer dresses afterwards.

Flowers

If it’s a venue that has more than one wedding a week, consider collaborating or sharing flowers.

Keep table decorations simple with a single Gerbera, Rose or Hydrangea in a bottle or glass jar.

Food

If the venue allows it, choose to have an informal buffet where you could ask guests to bring a suggested dish or order take-aways. For something a little different – organise a local ice cream van to attend.

Drinks

Offer a soft drink or fruit punch on arrival. On a hot day this would be very welcome. Check if you can bring your own wine to the venue. See corkage charges. Serve sparkling wine instead of champagne for the toasting. Provide a bar where guests pay for their own drinks. Just remember a jug of water on each table and squash for children.

Transport

Why not ask those family members or friends who have large saloon cars like Mercedes or Jaguar for example. They can act as chauffeurs.

Myth 4 – Planning a wedding is glamorous and stress free.

It can be an enjoyable time if planned realistically and sensibly with a budget. Making it a team effort will reduce the stress if you wisely delegate. Consider involving your helpful and gifted friends and family.

When planning, you might want to keep a notebook of how you felt about each supplier, item or venue. If you try to review too many things all at the same time you might get hopelessly lost in a sea of confusion – forgetting what person said what and how much it is. For example, if you are trying to compare one reception or wedding ceremony venue against another you will probably have found that all have different pricing structures. Some will include the room hire, some won’t. Some charge catering per head but include some drinks. For others all drinks are extra.

Do your own research and be creative together. Keep in mind that there will be differences of opinion between you as a couple. Don’t forget to still have fun together leading up to the wedding. Organising a wedding can be all consuming. Press the pause button and have time out. Remember why you are getting married in the first place!!

The best thing you can do, as part of your planning together, is to invest in some time and money preparing for the days and years after the wedding, by doing some marriage preparation in the form of marriage coaching or a course.