God’s design for a joyous and fulfilling marriage
When we get married, on our wedding day, we all have a wonderful and naturally hopeful view of how that relationship is going to be. It’s all about us and our wants and needs all wrapped up in our blissful, rose coloured ideal of wedded happiness. But, God is the designer and creator of marriage and it’s important to understand what He meant by this Covenant relationship in the beginning - so let’s unpack it.
In Genesis chapter 2:24 He said “This explains why a man must leave his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” We must also look closely at the next verse (25) - ‘Now, although Adam and his wife were both naked, neither of them felt any shame.’
In the beginning, in verse 24, God intended that a man leave the influence of his home life and is joined to his wife by God, through their sexual union, making them one in body, mind and spirit. This is a Covenant relationship, unlike any other, that is to be joy filled and fulfilling in all other areas of the marriage relationship.
In verse 25 we note there was no shame but complete honesty, openness and love. However, when sin enters the marriage through disobedience and separation from God’s ideal, the joy of togetherness becomes harder to maintain and neither the husband or wife is completely fulfilled by each other. We need the creator of our marriage in the centre, helping us and showing us how He intended our marriage to be. Ecclesiastes 4:12 sums up our need for God’s strength - ‘a triple braided cord is not easily broken’.
Joy is a misunderstood word. It’s not being happy all of the time. Happiness relies on good and pleasant things happening. When that doesn’t happen, we are sad or annoyed. Happiness is controlled by circumstance, our environment and other people’s happenings which affects our feelings. We must check our feelings as they influence our attitude which in turn can affect our behaviour. Joy on the other hand is a fruit of the spirit. It is enacted by our desire to live according to God’s design by appealing to His spirit within us and not our own fleshy desires.
A fulfilled marriage is one that recognises the joy each spouse brings to the other and this can only be done graciously when we follow Him. God’s design is fully laid out in Ephesians 5:21-33. A couple should submit to one another - not to get loved back but out of their love for God in Jesus. When a husband consistently thinks about how he treats his wife, he must ask does this align with v25? which says ‘….the same love Christ showed the church. He gave up His life for her..’ And when a wife checks her attitude towards her husband - does it look like the way she would submit to Christ?
When we do not have a believing spouse, God’s design is all the more necessary to bring that joy and fulfilment. In 1 Peter, the apostle addresses this and highlights the importance for the wife to cultivate and be known for ...’ the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God.’ (v4) The fruit of Joy comes so close to the fruits of peace and gentleness that God so loves in us. He won’t fail to fan the flame of His fullness towards us when we display His attitude. By the way, the husbands don’t get off the hook because it goes on to say in verse 7 ‘In the same way, you husbands must give honour to your wives...’ To honour, in the Hebrew text, is to give value and significance, which would certainly raise the level of my fulfilment as a wife when my husband values me in the way that he loves and treats me. How about you?
The Bible, that is God’s word, is persistent in telling us how important it is to live in a way that pleases Him. (See 1 Thessalonians 4:1) This is particularly true in marriage as it is an ‘illustration’ of Christ’s relationship with his church.
The words in Colossians 3:12-17 sum up how we are to enquire of the Lord, so that He will help us live according to this design and plan for our marriages. It is a passage of scripture I so often write in the wedding cards of many couples, who we have had the privilege to coach in their preparation for married life.
In conclusion, therefore, if we continuously invite God’s Holy Spirit into our marriage, through praying together, and rely on His strength and wisdom, He will enable us to keep growing together in love - bringing Joy and fulfilment.
