Strengthening your marriage: Lessons from Biblical couples
When we read the Bible, we know that it is the inspired word of God but it is also a collection of historical facts and stories of real people and the lives they led, through their faith in God. By examining the marriages of a few couples, in both the Old and New testaments, their lives give testimony to how they pushed through difficulties and decisions that we still face and can learn from today.
Adam and Eve were the first married couple (Genesis 2:24) They were supposed to represent what God intended. Walking with him in the garden enjoying all that God supplied and accepting each other wholeheartedly (v25). But sin entered that garden through prideful thoughts, doubt and lack of trust. Satan (His Name means deceiver) entered the garden in the form of, ’..the shrewdest of all the creatures the Lord had made.’ (Genesis 3:1) (NLT) and deceived Adam’s wife, initially, by sowing doubt in her mind about what God had actually said regarding the fruit trees. It was Adam who was first given instructions about what he could eat in chapter 2:16 &17 before God had created a ‘companion’- Adam’s wife. When she gave the fruit to Adam, after she had taken a bite, it was then that he could have refused but he didn’t and at that point, their ‘eyes were opened, and they suddenly felt shame at their nakedness’ (3:7). It was only to Adam who God called out, when they hid themselves. It was Adam who began to blame his wife and God for his shame! Adam’s wife also fell into the blame game by not accepting her guilt but gave the excuse of how she was tricked by the serpent. You know the result - they were all punished. But notice the fact that satan, the tempter, was dealt with first -Jesus’s death on the cross has first cleansed us from our sin but we still have to work out our salvation. Adam’s wife was told her position in decision making was second to her husband’s authority and she would experience pain through childbearing. It was at this point that Adam named his wife Eve meaning ‘mother of all people everywhere’. Finally, Adam was reminded that he was given authority but he had handed it over to satan and compromised his position with his wife. He will now struggle to care for her and himself by working hard on the land. A land that has also fallen under sin’s curse, producing weeds and thorns.
What do we learn from this as we still have a tendency to blame others?
A strong marriage is when we turn to God in our prayers together, recognising when we are needing His help. The Lord loves us to seek Him, trust Him and not rely on our own understanding and to turn our back on evil. (Paraphrased from Proverbs 3:5-7) We must accept our differences by seeking to understand one another. Try to forgive, quickly, each other’s mistakes and weaknesses and then face challenges together as a united front. This is especially important with children who are learning from you. They need to see their parents working together to provide security and comfort. We are on the same team with God!
Abraham and Sarah had been married for quite a while when he was called by God to, “Leave your country, your relatives and your father’s house and go to the land that I will show you. I will cause you to become a father of a great nation...” (Genesis 12:1-2) (NLT). One wonders if he had had the conversation with Sarah about why he was suddenly up sticking and going to another part of the country. Maybe he considered that he would be a ‘spiritual’ father at this point and explained it in those terms to her. Anyway, she was very subservient as wives were then. She called him her master (Genesis 18:12 & 1Peter 3:6) which meant she trusted him. We are commanded to respect our husband’s authority and follow Sarah’s example as a godly way to behave according to St. Peter (1Peter 3:2 &6). They must have had a trusting relationship while they waited patiently together for what God was going to show to them. Another illustration of that trust in each other was when Abraham asked Sarah to be a sister to him, while in Egypt, in order that his life would be spared. Rather selfish on his part but God uses even our fears sometimes to help us in His plans. This trick over Pharaoh, enabled Abraham to gain more wealth for his nomadic life of faith and God protected them.
They may have trusted each other but sadly Sarah’s trust in God wavered enough to cause her to take things in her own hands. Abraham behaved like Adam and allowed his wife to dominate him. The result was Ishmael. Waiting on God and walking in faith, as a couple, can stretch your love with one another. We have found that turning to God’s word of truth is the only way forward. Pray about those same things separately and then discuss together what He is saying to you both. As wives we must pray for our husbands to be given the inspiration and direction to lead effectively. I’m not saying God doesn’t speak to us as wives because he does but He won’t go against His word or cause you to be in disagreement (Colossians 3:15)
Jacob and Rachel were meant for each other. Jacob’s father Isaac told him to go to Paddan-arram, east of Canaan where his mother’s family live. His father was very clear that his son would be equally yoked with his future wife. He was not to marry a ‘foreign’ woman who followed ‘foreign God’s’. In today’s terms it is important for a couple to share the same values and if they both share the same faith - even better. Strong marriages are built on a solid foundation of agreed beliefs.
So Jacob set off to his uncle Laban’s home. Rachel was a shepherdess herding her flocks when Jacob appeared at the well. (Genesis Chapter 29) He helped her water her flock and explained his relationship to her. ‘Then Jacob kissed Rachel, and tears came to his eyes.’ (Genesis 29:11) (NLT) She quickly ran to tell her father and he was greeted warmly. This description implies that they fell in love fairly immediately. Jacob’s love was so strong that he was happy to accept his uncle’s terms in order to marry Rachel. He was very happy to work hard for his uncle for seven years because ’…his love was so strong that it seemed to him but a few days.’(v.20)
When we first meet and fall in love, nothing can stand in our way. We are prepared to make sacrifices for the one we love. Let us make sure that we don’t lose that attitude towards our spouse however long-standing our marriage has been.
However, the consequences of his deceitful behaviour, towards his brother Esau, resulted in his uncle being equally deceitful and tricking Jacob into marrying the wrong sister, Leah instead of Rachel. But Jacob ’…loved (Rachel) her more than Leah. He then stayed and worked the additional seven years’. (Genesis 29:30) (NLT)
True love calls for dedication and perseverance. Jacob worked hard and God blessed him with many children, increased flocks and herds which made him wealthy. His faith in God protected and guided him. He knew when it was the right time to return to his homeland, so he set out with his increased family but Rachel did a foolish thing. She stole her father Laban’s ‘household god’s’. (Ch 31:19) She, in effect, turned her back on her husband’s God, she stole and lied and also kept this knowledge from her husband Jacob. As a result, when Laban accused them of this theft, Jacob in his innocence and ignorance, said ‘..as for your household god’s, let the person who has taken them die’! (V.32) When we allow lies, secrets, deception to creep into our relationship as husbands and wives, we break that sacred bond we shared. We create a ‘separation’ or death between us that weakens the marriage. Take a lesson from Rachel here and don’t be tempted to be selfish, deceitful and separate from all that is good in your marriage. The way to keep your marriage strong is to be willing to share, be open and communicate with one another and God himself.
Our last couple are in the New Testament. Priscilla and Aquila are always mentioned as a couple. This is encouraging as it shows that it was noted by others that they intentionally had a shared commitment to their faith and marriage. They were inseparable.
Sometimes Priscilla is mentioned first, which could mean she was from an important family but when we are introduced to them, Aquila is the first to be named as a Jewish acquaintance to Paul, in Corinth.
In Acts 18:1-3, the writer Dr Luke, explains how they had already suffered for being Jews by being expelled from Rome, Italy by Caesar Claudius. They were a humble couple who shared a skill as tentmakers or leather workers. They were a hospitable couple, who allowed Paul to live with them. They co-laboured with him in their job as tentmakers, as well as being his collaborators and early church leaders in sharing the Gospel. This is a thriving atmosphere in which a marriage can grow and become even stronger, where there is a shared goal. Luke goes on to say that Paul took them with him to Ephesus (v18) then left them behind saying..’ I will come back later, God willing.,’ (v21) while he travelled & preached.
All this illustrates their practical and Spiritual partnership as a couple, strengthening their marriage bond. During their time in Ephesus, while attending the Synagogue, they made themselves useful. They listened to a young man who seemed to be new in the ‘way of the Lord’. He spoke with ‘great enthusiasm and accuracy,’ but appeared to only know of John the Baptist, so ...’When Priscilla and Aquila heard him ‘....’they took him aside and explained the way of God more accurately.’ (Acts 18:25-26) (NLT) The verbs ‘they took him aside’ and ‘explained’ are in the third person plural which reveals they shared their faith and taught others as a team together.
Paul spoke glowingly about this couple, who not only took him in to their home on occasion but allowed their home to be a place of meeting and worship with other believers including from ‘Gentile churches’ who are ‘thankful to them’ (Romans 16:4-5) Interestingly, in this same message Paul notes that ..’they risked their lives for me.’ (This could possibly be relating to the riots in Ephesus in Acts 19:21- 20:1) They clearly had a strong, devoted relationship as they sacrificially walked out their faith together. This loyalty to their Lord and Saviour must have been the anchor that held their love in the difficult circumstances. They are mentioned one more time in Paul’s final letter to Timothy, another dear ‘son’ and brother in Christ, as he asks him to send them his greetings from his prison cell (on death row!) He must have highly regarded them knowing they were prepared to be named by him, a fellow Jesus follower, when it was such a dangerous time.
I hope this blog has given some food for thought for you to reflect on together. Which couple inspires you the most?
