Overcoming struggles in marriage with Biblical wisdom

I don’t think it needs to be said that all marriages come with their own or familiar struggles but what does need to be said is; ‘There is a way to get through’.

Life itself is becoming increasingly more challenging, and our core value system is being eroded by worldly ways of thinking. When you have two people in a marriage - male and female - with different personalities; upbringing; different early life experiences; and differing emotional responses - then sparks will fly occasionally.

This blog is not going to be dealing with conflict per se, but finding true peace in our daily struggles - a peace that brings understanding, unity and contentment in a marriage. This peace can only come from one source and that is God, in His son Jesus Christ. ‘And let the Peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts.’ (Colossians 3:15 NLT)

When we get to grips with this understanding, we immediately remove the blame, frustration and hurt we feel with each other, as husband and wife and instead we are doing what Peter instructed us to do in 1Peter 5:7 ‘Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about what happens to you’. (NLT)

There are times when life does seem to be throwing stuff at you that feels uncomfortable, irritating and very stressful. It could be due to work situations, redundancy or increased workloads that will have an impact on our relationships at home. It could be the home itself where, simply, things have just come in one after the other. The boiler breaks down; the garden fence is blown over in high winds; something happens with the child’s school work that requires you to speak with their teacher; or you accidentally back your car into your neighbour’s car - who live opposite - when trying to drive out quickly to get out to the shops before they close. A catalogue of events. Oh frustration! A calm and understanding spouse is what is needed here but sadly, as we are not perfect, this is a rare find and we will instead find ways to blame, accuse, make excuses and generally making things worse rather than better for ourselves and our spouse. Where the marriage relationship is already fractured in the area of communication, expressing our feelings of frustration, anxiety or need for support will be doubly difficult. Small, but collective ‘incidents’, over time, will boil over and if we are trying to find our peace and solutions in each other, the fear, worry and frustration will cause an even bigger crack in the relationship.

Over the last few years, we’ve had a number of difficult situations to deal with. Sometimes we have wondered if we would ever get to see the light at the end of our tunnel but slowly and surely we do. Throughout this time, I have constantly found myself muttering the last part of the verse that Jesus says in John 16:33, ‘I have told you all this, so that you may have peace in me. Here on Earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart because I have overcome the world.’ (NLT) This has been a comfort to me and why I felt it important to write this blog. Jesus has overcome the deep-down cause of our struggles, so when we turn and ask Him for help, He responds by bringing peace in our hearts.

It is a wonderful thing when you can share your troubles with your husband or wife. However, I am fully aware that that is not always the case. If they share your faith, then again it makes things much easier. So, to realise that God loves us so much and is so intimately involved in our lives, that we are never alone, must be good to know. ‘And the Lord, He is the One who goes before you. He will be with you, He will never leave you nor forsake you; do not fear nor be dismayed.’ (Deuteronomy 31:8 NKJV)

We have written previous blogs on how best to communicate with active listening, which prevents misunderstandings and fosters unity in a marriage. We’ve offered tips on resolving conflicts in a healthy and biblical way and the role of forgiveness and grace which brings harmony but how do we persevere and embrace God’s peace in the midst of our struggles and life’s challenges, keeping our marriage not only intact but renewed and redeemed?

I have another favourite verse of scripture that I apply to circumstances which don’t immediately make sense. Romans 8:28 in the NLT reads,

’And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them’. It’s the ‘everything to work together’ in this verse that is important to me. God’s hand is over everything. He is our redeeming God who uses our struggles to transform us and our marriages! It’s a bit like a transformer of electricity which doesn’t erase the energy from the electrical current but transforms it into something useful. With God, He transforms or turns our sorrows into supernatural joy (Jeremiah 31:13) & (Psalm 126). He actually uses our difficulties and trials to grow our faith, and as a consequence our marriage relationship, if we include him in the process. (James 1:2-4 &12)

This is when prayer is so valuable and necessary between us as a couple. See our blog on ‘Why praying together is important in your marriage’. When we go through adverse times together, it sharpens our attention and awareness to pray, especially when we can’t see clearly how to get through. It also helps us to look at our problems from a different perspective. This is when we combine praying with reading His word. As a couple, we have tried to create a habit of ‘quiet time’, usually early evening, when we individually read our Bibles and then pray. There has to be a certain level of will power because the Television is a great temptation sometimes! This habit of activity sets a kind of spiritual and emotional goal for us that unites our hearts and mind towards God with our ‘problem’. We are a team, co-working with Him. This is exciting as we set goals, knowing He has the ultimate solution (He is the Alpha and Omega - the Beginning and the End). When we move closer to God and call out to Him, He is very near. (Matthew 14:30-31 NLT)

So, in conclusion we must remind ourselves that when troubles arise, asking God, as a united couple, for wisdom, discernment and ultimately His peace in the moment, should be our first response. We may have to make definitive decisions that stretch our faith and our marriage but this is when true peace comes and a stronger marriage is the result.

‘Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. If you do this, you will experience God’s peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.’ (Philippians 4:6 & 7 NLT)