The Power of Words: strengthening your marriage daily

I was listening to a known Christian speaker, the other day, and he made me realise how much more our words can affect our relationships. We all appreciate the need to communicate in order to keep connected to one another. What I hadn’t fully appreciated was the spiritual effects of negative and unkind words I spit out, when my mouth is unguarded, during angry outbursts! In fact, at any time, we can declare a negative attitude over our marriage when we are feeling irritable. He went on to say that as we speak harmful words, we are bringing a curse on our marriage! That seems rather extreme but actually the Bible does say in Proverbs 18:21 “Death and life are in the power of the tongue” or in the NLT it puts it like this, “Those who love to talk will experience the consequences, for the tongue can kill or nourish life.” Another example in Proverbs 15:4 (NLT) - ’…crushes the spirit’.

Let us seriously consider, then, the power of words. In Genesis, God spoke and He created life. His Word, the Bible, is ‘God breathed’ (2Timothy 3:16 NIV) It is ‘sharper than the sharpest knife cutting deep into our inner most thoughts..’ (Hebrews 4:12 NLT), and everything ...’is made holy by the word.’ (1Timothy 4:5 NLT) Also, Jesus is described by John, in his Gospel, as ‘The Word’. (John 1:1,2&14 NLT). There is life in the Word and Jesus’ spirit lives in us. The words we utter are powerful because of Him. He gave us new life and a new nature that is continually being renewed as we learn more about Him. Therefore, if we are willing to learn, then we should be keen to rid ourselves of unhelpful, negative and abusive talk and instead bring life into our marriage with encouraging, edifying and joy filled words. (See Colossians 3:7-10)

Have you considered that a marriage can go through difficult seasons because of abusive words that we have hurled towards each other? It is possible that we have declared negative words over our marriage or that negative and discouraging words have been spoken by others over you? It is certainly something to consider and to get into prayer about with your spouse.

In Paul’s letter to the Ephesians, he was trying to encourage them to live in unity as fellow believers. He emphasised the need to use positive words that would build up and strengthen relationships between them. In the NLT he tells them, ‘Don’t use foul and abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.’ (Ephesians 4:29 NLT) In another translation, it says “corrupting talk”. This can be criticism; nit picking; constantly complaining; and being deliberately hurtful to subtle sarcasm. All these negative forms of communication can slowly erode the love we first had. Trust and intimacy are not enjoyable and a sense of insecurity in the relationship is felt.

How do we recover and bring life back into our marriages?

1) We have to get into the habit of self-control - a fruit of the Spirit - Seek His help, together, in prayer. (See Galatians 5:23)

2) Check out our attitude and behaviour- it affects the way we think. Think about what is going to come out of our mouth before we open it! (See Proverbs 15:1)

3) Meditate on James chapter 1:19 (NLT) ‘...be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to get angry.’ There is an emphasis on not speaking but listening first and controlled temper. Practice patience!

It is important to say at this point that there are times when we do have to ‘vent’ our feelings. It is the ‘how’ and ‘when’ that needs working on in most marriages. I like the way Paul writes in Colossians, when he points out that our speech should be “seasoned with salt.” (4:6 NIV) He is of course referring to our talk being effective amongst unbelievers, but this could apply to our husband or wife when we’re trying to get a point across, without offending and making things worse. When we think what salt does- it enhances flavour in food but also protects and preserves food from harmful bacteria. Let our speech be enhancing to the conversation and not divisive and be protective of our love for each other. Timing is very important too, as our spouse will be more ready to hear us when they are relaxed and happy.

Our spouse’s love language might be words, so affirming, encouraging and showing gratitude will be massively appreciated and even if it isn’t their language, this blog has hopefully shown that words are important to us all and to God.

Be challenged with me and practice speaking words to each other that build up, for the next 7 days.